Akito The Stalker
by kikijio
Summary: AKA "The Adventures of a Man Called Akito" AkitoxTohru.. Barely.. It's a collaboration.. it's popular with the ladies.. and is graphic in SOME places with shonen-ai and yaoi SUGGESTIONS, but nothing serious.. everyone loves it. Tamaki Suoh makes a cameo.
1. Chapter 1: What is this emotion?

**Chapter One:**

(Raindropz)Ahem.

Tohru Honda was walking down a street, busy minding her own business. Her thoughts were occupied with rice balls, umeboshis (the small plums on an onigiri) and strawberries.

Her bliss at being alive was too much for her to notice that she was being followed…

As Akito Sohma also walked down a street, he watched as a girl he was watching suddenly stopped from her walk.

"Oh shit." Thought Akito. "She's seen me." He searched around frantically until he spotted a large dustbin nearby. He quickly stuffed himself inside it, leaving a gap and balancing the lid on his head. Tohru Honda made a sudden exclamation and turned around, now walking towards the bin. "Shit. Shit shit shit…" thought Akito. "Bloody hell, why couldn't I have really been a woman?"

Tohru walked back the way she came, half panicking. She had left the kettle on at the Sohma household. She was known for her ditsy nature, but this was a record. Reaching into her pocket, she found a sweet. Unwrapping the sweet, she put it in her mouth and opened the lid of the dustbin and put the wrapper inside.

Akito swore yet again in his head as the dustbin lid was opened. A hand hovered over his black hair and a sweet-wrapper was dropped on his head. He caught a glimpse of the hand before it moved away, but that was enough . He had studied this hand for hours of his day, gazing at it and the rest of the hand's owner. Tohru. Akito grabbed the sweet-wrapper and gazed at it. Finally, he had a token of Tohru's love. For sweets. He would treasure this for ever, and frame it, storing it in his secret shrine for her. Now Akito was happy.

(TheColourOfMagic) He sat there for a while in the bin, happily gazing at the wrapper and daydreaming about its previous owner. Then he realised that he was in fact sitting in a bin filled with something that smelled a bit like Haru when he came back from his week-long "Trips-to-the-shops". Sighing and still not focusing completely on anything other than his new-found "treasure", Akito pulled himself up and attempted to get out of the bin. And tried again. And again. Eventually, he gave up, realising that he was in fact too short to get out of the bin.

"DAMNIT!" he yelled, very annoyed. "SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Unfortunately for Akito, no-one was around. Other than a tramp who ran at the sight a talking bin.

(kikijio) However, a second later the tramp backtracked and returned to the bin. "Hmm.. that sounded a bit like Akito." It was Hatsuharu; Just on the way to pick up some milk when he found he was on a road he did not recognise.. and before he knew it.. a week had passed.

So, relieved to hear a voice he knew, Haru walked towards the bin and opened the lid to find Akito, crouched in foetal position and chewing what looked like a sweet-wrapper. (Raindropz) Their eyes met, and there was a moment of silence as they stared at each other.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed Haru (really loudly). Akito didn't know whether to scowl or whimper. So he did both.

(TheColourOfMagic) "Shut up and help me out of the bin," Akito snapped.

Haru carried on laughing.

"Help me now… or I'll tell everyone what you did to your dog!" Akito yelled.

Haru shut up. "I don't have a dog!" he said.

"Not after what you did to it," Akito said.

_(kikijio) He knows…_thought Haru, and he turned and ran down the street, leaving Akito behind in the bin.

"Aww crap…" Akito was starting to feel hungry… "I knew I should've eaten breakfast.." he mumbled to himself. But, luckily he just so happened to be sitting on a waffle. _Yum!_ He thought. _Lunchtime…_

(Raindropz) Akito remained in the bin for… he didn't know how long. Nobody walked past. Ever. Until…

The local bin man was hired. He was sick of bins. As he walked towards his next bin, he thought of his troubles. His wife was ill, and his 21 kids were hungry. As he began to pick up the bin, he grunted. It was heavier than usual. Or maybe he was getting weaker. Maybe he should just die.

Akito squeaked as he was suddenly lifted up. It was God! It was a miracle! But Akito had been so mean, what if he was being taken to hell? Better make up for it…

"I'm sorry!" He shouted. "Spare me! Forgive me!"

The bin man stopped as he was holding a talking bin. He was going mad. The bin was continuing to squeak. It was the demons… they were after him. Throwing his hands in the air (therefore the bin went up too), he ran away, down the street (which happened to be a hill).

Akito rolled down the hill, in a bin.

(TheColourOfMagic)Unfortunately for Akito, the bin was not made to withstand this type of pain. It cracked down the middle and fell into two bits- leaving Akito rolling down the hill covered in rubbish.

The Mabudachi Trio had just been walking along peacefully, arguing about whether Kureno was gay or not, when their walk was interrupted by a person rolling down the hill, leaving a trail of rubbish behind him.

"I think that was…" Ayame said.

"No… it couldn't be…" Shigure said.

"Akito!" they chorused.

Hatori looked up from the book he was reading.

"Shut up." he said.

(kikijio)"You shut up!" said Shigure, as Ayame followed Hatori lovingly; and he danced along the pavement to where Akito was lying, spread-eagled in the middle of the road.

"AKITOOOO!" Shigure screamed, when a gust of wind blew across them, ruffling Shigure's yakata.. revealing something.. wonderful, but more importantly, sending Akito's sweet-wrapper flying.

(PlasticBagFreak) "SHIGURE!! How could you?! I thought we had something!" sobbed Ayame. Akito (who appeared to be having some... "problems" of his own) quickly climbed up a tree in hopes of escape.

Meanwhile, Hatori had gone somewhere..

"No one must ever know... No one must ever know of my love for Pot Noodle!!! Not Ramen! Pot Noodle! Bwahahahaha!!!"

(Editor: I apologise to any Hatori fans who are upset by this.. I'm not the one who wrote it... I actually edited part of it so it seemed like it was more part of the story but.. I.. just.. don't know what else to do..)

Back to Akito. He clutched the branched tightly. "Hah! My plan is ingenious! They'll never find me here!"

Akito then realised something very important.. _I'm afraid of heights. (TheColourOfMagic)_He let go of the branch. Then he realised that this was probably not a very good idea and attempted to hold it again. Which, as he was now mid-air, didn't work.

"OOOWWWWWW..." Akito yelled. Looking around from his current position- which was once again spread-eagled on the ground. Apparently Hatori had once again vanished for some weird reason and Shigure and Ayame had also disappeared, forgetting completely about the fact that their evil family leader was covered in rubbish and stuck up a tree.

Akito sighed, "At least I have my sweet-wrapper," he said to himself. And then he saw it. The sweet-wrapper. Lying on the other side of the road. "NOOOOOOOOOOO..." Akito yelled, doing a very Bay Watch- like run. Without the lifeguards. He landed pretty painfully on the pavement after hurtling himself at the wrapper.

(Raindropz)Still lying on the ground, Akito looked up as a figure walked up to him. It was Kyo. Spotting the sweet-wrapper, and Akito, he picked it up (the wrapper, not Akito).

"You shouldn't litter, you know." He took the wrapper and put it in the bin.

"_Noooooooooo..."_

(kikijio)This was the moment Akito turned violent,

"You fool! Stupid cat!! I'll _kill_ you!" Akito screamed.

"Just 'cause you're a virgin..." Kyo muttered, he turned away and walked down the street. Now Akito was alone he collapsed and started crying; until a small hand offered him a handkerchief- it was Momiji.

(TheColourOfMagic) "Don't worry Akito," he said. "Everything's alright..."

Akito was about to hit him when he saw the now-pretty-far-away figure of Kyo stop, and worked out exactly what Kyo had just said...

Momiji found himself flying through the air as he was suddenly knocked over by super-speed Akito.

"I'M NOT A VIRGIN DAMN YOU!!" he yelled just as he skidded to a halt in front of Kyo... And saw Tohru, standing just behind him.

"Interesting revelation," Kyo said, "thanks for that. Although, you know, messing around with Kureno doesn't really count..."

Tohru's face went completely red. Akito made a weird spluttering sound, decided that any hope of a decent conversation with Tohru was gone now Kyo was around and made a run for it.

(Raindropz)Akito trudged home, extremely downhearted. He smelled. He had lost his wrapper. He was a virgin.. _kind of anyway_. But most of all, he had managed to look a complete twit in front of his one true love. At least Kureno would be at home waiting for him...

(kikijio)"Kureno..? KURENO?! What are you doing with that Yankee?!"

Kureno was wearing an apron, and seemed to be cooking a meal with Arisa Uotani.

"How _could _you Kureno? After I let you wash my socks?"

And as Kureno stood there, horrified, Akito tore off the socks he was wearing and fainted.


	2. Chapter 2: Whose tongue is that?

**Chapter Two:**

(Editor: This is the chapter that everyone always complains about being.. too... graphic.. But _come on. _ You cannot deny that if it wasn't... _graphic_ it wouldn't be very interesting.. They also always say that it was my fault that the... _graphic-ness_ started.. but I beg to differ! I just made it.. amusing. You'll thank me once you've read it!)

(TheColourOfMagic)A few hours, many tears and several arguments about socks, later, Akito was standing in some corridor, somewhere in Shigure's house. Alone: Shigure and Ayame had gone off to the Onsen for a day; Yuki, Kyo and Tohru were out... Akito was all alone to visit his beloved's room... he could find out what she liked, what she hated.. he jumped around a bit with glee. And then froze in horror as he heard the front door opening and Kyo's voice coming through. Not wanting to find out what would happen if Kyo- or anyone, for that matter- discovered him there he dived into the nearest room he could find and climbed into a wardrobe.

Looking at the room through the crack in the wardrobe door, he guessed that it was Shigure's bedroom. Akito felt depressed. Why couldn't it have been Tohru's room? Why did everything go wrong for him? Why did Shigure have a manicure set in his wardrobe?

All of a sudden, the bedroom door opened and Yuki, Haru and Kyo walked in.

"...you can stay here," Yuki said to Haru. "Shigure won't be back until tomorrow."

"Will you stay with me?" said Haru.

Yuki looked unimpressed. "No."

"Pleeaasseee?" Haru said.

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssseeeeee?" Haru whined.

"FINE!" Yuki yelled. "I'll stay here!"

"Yuki!" Haru cried happily. "I always knew you loved me!" He kissed Yuki, who didn't seem to appreciate it very much. Akito felt slightly sick.

"HEY!" Kyo yelled at Haru, pulling him away from Yuki, "Keep your hands off my rat!"

Yuki looked amazed, "Kyo... do you mean that? I... I thought you hated me..."

"I was afraid of what would happen if I stopped hating you." Kyo said. "I... I didn't know..."

Akito nearly choked as Yuki pulled Kyo into a kiss.  
"What about me?" Haru said, pouting. "I've loved Yuki since I was a kid..."

"You can come along too," said Yuki, dreamily gazing at his new partners.

Akito, scarred for life at this recent turn of events, was trying hard not to be sick in the bottom of the wardrobe.

(kikijio)"But I want to be on top." Yuki declared, suddenly.

Akito gasped, nearly choking on one of Shigure's shirt sleeves.

"Whaaat? But you're more girly than both of us!" Shouted Kyo.

"Yeah," chimed Haru, "plus, I'm the Ox. I don't need to take that from a rat..."

"But I thought you loved me..." Yuki whined.

It was right about then that Akito fell out of the wardrobe... shuddering slightly.

"A victim!" Haru yelled joyously, "_He_ can go underneath!"

"Good idea!" Yuki and Kyo chimed simultaneously.

"Oh Kyo... I feel like I can really _connect_ with you" sighed Yuki, who then proceeded to put his hands down Kyo's pants. While Haru sat on top of Akito. (Ed: Don't worry! It doesn't get more graphic than this. I promise! This is pretty much the worst/best of .. "it" right here.)

"AAARGH!" screamed Akito, who rolling across the floor. Only managing to break free because Haru had gone to get his video camera and Yuki and Kyo were slightly preoccupied... with each other's.._ tails_.

(Raindropz)Shigure walked into his house, whistling a merry tune. He had been mean to his editor again, and he and Ayame had enjoyed a delightful bath together at the Onsen (where Aaya had stayed behind). He noticed that there was an odd silence in the house. Where was everyone? However, suddenly there was a loud bang, a thump and a whiny-type scream, all coming from upstairs.

Walking upstairs, he opened the door to his room, revealing... an odd scene.

Akito was lying on the floor, his hands over his head. Haru was looking at him, half-dressed. Yuki and Kyo were _completely_ undressed and doing something...

"Welly, welly, well then," said Shigure. "What have we here?" Everyone looked at him.

"Playing some sort of game are we?" He sighed and shook his head. "Kyo, Yuki... As your guardian, I'm afraid I have no choice... BUT TO JOIN YOU!!!" (Anyone who didn't see that coming, raise your hand and hang your head in shame. -Ed) He happily began to take his clothes off.

"GET OUT!" Shouted Kyo and Yuki.

"Now, now boys," said Shigure sternly. "I'm not going to be doing this sort of thing everyday... (kikijio) honestly, it's more like every other day.. and seeing as Ayame is away I need to be satisfied. So..." Shigure stated, undoing his belt. "Please lie down over there."

"NOOOOOOO!" Wailed Akito. "I can't take anymore of this!" But it was too late... Haru had taken off his pants and Shigure was already naked. Yuki and Kyo, however, had shut themselves in the wardrobe and strange nibbling sounds could be heard coming from their general direction. "Well... it seems it's just the three of us.." sighed Shigure. Which one of you is going to be underneath first?... As the dog, _naturally _I'm on top."

(TheColourOfMagic) Akito decided that was enough for him and panicking, threw himself out the window, landing painfully in a heap on the ground. Right at Tohru's feet.

"Um... Akito-san?"

Akito looked up. And felt happy again.

"What were you doing in Shigure-san's room?"

Akito averted his eyes.. Panicking again.

"I.. I.. I was just..."

Shigure's head and upper body emerged from the window.

"Come back here you naughty boy!" called Shigure. "Naughty! Trying to escape..."

Tohru's jaw dropped. Akito ran.


	3. Chapter 3: Why is my life like this?

**Chapter Three:**

(Editor:Enter Ayame. Watch out for Tamaki Suoh! Wait.. what am I talking about.. there's no way you could miss him!)

(Raindropz) Ayame walked into the Sohma house, carrying a basket of peaches. He had come to surprise Yuki. As he entered the living room he saw everybody sitting at the table, (Yuki, Kyo, Haru and Shigure) not speaking. Both Yuki and Kyo looked rather flushed, but Haru looked... like Haru.

"Hmm.. what's been going on here? I'm suspicious..."

"Nothing." Yuki and Kyo said immediately. Shigure started to laugh.

"Oh wait till you hear this, Aaya. Oh, this is going to be gooood." He was silenced by a look from Yuki and Kyo.

He whimpered. "Can I tell? Can I, can I?"

"Shut up!" Said Yuki, he got even redder.

Ayame sighed, "Well if you're not going to tell me, Gure-san, then I'll find out by myself. By the way, where is the captive princess?"

"She's not captive, Aaya, she's more of a voluntary hostage," said Shigure, "and.. she's in shock at the moment."

"Ah." said Aaya. "Aaaaaahhhh... I see what's going on."

Yuki and Kyo both flushed, Haru the same, Shigure wearing no belt...

"YOU'VE BEEN DOING DIRTY THINGS HAVEN'T YOU?"

Shigure began to laugh.

"GET LOST NII-SAN!" bellowed Yuki.

"Nuh, uh. Not until I get every detail." He sat down and crossed his arms. "Go on tell me."

(kikijio) "NO!" Yuki and Kyo shouted simultaneously.

"Why not?" Aaya crooned. "You're not embarrassed are you? Come now Yuki, tell big brother." Ayame said, laying a hand on Yuki's shoulder. Kyo blushed and looked a little angry.

"Oh! OHHH!" Ayame shouted. "YOU! YOU TWO!! YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY!!"

"Quiet Aaya, you'll scare the children." Shigure attempted to soothe Aaya, ineffectively- as he was shaking with laughter.

"But _together?_ Only _I'm_ allowed to touch Yuki!"

"Eehhh?" Grumbled Haru.

"Yuki's mine." Aaya continued.

(PlasticBagFreak) "You did not just say that," monotoned Kyo.

"Ha, ha! Oh but I did! Ahahahaha!!"

"Just get out Nii-san," ordered Yuki.

"So cold, my dear brother! But forget that! I want details!" yelled Ayame.

"Ohohohoho! Yuki and Kyo have been _very_ passionate" laughed Shigure (kikijio) Who, by the way, was enjoying this situation a little _too _much.

"I must tell Hatori!" gasped Aaya.

Ayame took out his phone and dialled Hatori's number.

"HATORI! I must tell you about Yuki and Kyonkichi's adventures!"

Hatori choked, and coughed, _quite _conspicuously, at the other end of the line. "W-what are you calling about? I'm not doing anything! I'm innocent I tell you, innocent!" He yelled.

"... Are you eating pot noodle again?" Ayame asked.

"WHAT?! How did you discover my secret love?!" choked Hatori.

Shigure took the phone off Ayame.

"Ooooooh! When's the wedding?" he snickered   
"SHUT UP!"  
"You're acting very out of character Hatori.." said Shigure. "I'm hanging up."

And so he did.

Akito was running through a paddling pool in the park. All the little kids were laughing at him. Dammit!_ How DARE they laugh at me?!_ (kikijio) Akito thought to himself, too traumatised to notice that he was now running-on-the-spot in the middle of the paddling pool.

"WHY? TOHRU!! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME??" He wailed, arms flailing, tears streaking off his cheeks. "I don't like naked men!!!" The children in the park slowly began to back away, and Akito suddenly tripped over the edge of the pool, landing in the mud around it.

(Raindropz) Being wet and covered in mud is not the best situation, as Akito soon realised. He sat in the mud, too distressed to move or notice that he was now alone.

"Hehe, who's that loser?" snickered a voice behind him.

It was followed by a manly cough. "I have no idea."

Akito spun round to see Arisa Uotani (who had not recognised him) and Kureno walking through the park, Akito's eyes went wide with shock.

"Kureno? Y-you disowned me?" Kureno stayed silent..

"HOW COULD YOU KURRY-BEAR??" (He blushed at the sound of his pet name.) "I THOUGHT THAT AFTER ALL THIS, YOU WOULD STILL BE THERE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!!"

(TheColourOfMagic) Kureno looked round. "Um... wrong person!" he yelled, picking Arisa up and running away at full speed. Akito collapsed back in the mud, screaming abuse at no-one in particular.

"Um... Akito-san"

Akito opened his eyes to find Tohru, Kisa and Momiji standing over him, looking concerned.

He blinked several times.

"Akito-san? Are you alright?"

Once more aware that he was completely covered in mud and had just been yelling irrelevantly about a bear, Akito shot up, took another look at Tohru, went bright red and ran. Fast.

(kikijio) Tohru stared blankly at the figure quickly disappearing into the distance, and felt vaguely aware of a gust of wind blowing against her back, when she realised that Momiji had sprinted after Akito.

"AKITOOO!! Come back!! We're having ice-cream!" The cute blonde screamed after him.

"Ah crap!" Akito sighed... "I need a disguise..." And with that, _seemingly_ simple statement, Akito ripped off his trousers (intending to wrap it round his head as a way of hiding his identity)... Several seconds before he realised that he had forgotten his underpants that morning.

(Raindropz)"AAAH MY EYES!" Screamed a nearby woman, before fainting. Akito looked round and dived quickly into a nearby bush, avoiding Momiji by a breath of wind, as the rabbit-zodiac ran straight past him. Akito breathed a sigh of relief.

Which quickly turned to a look of horror as he realised that he had just jumped straight into a gooseberry bush.

"AIEEEEE!!" Akito wailed, pulling his trousers back on as quickly as possible and rolling out of the bush.

(kikijio) "Aww.. Oww.. OWWwww..." Akito mumbled to himself as he massaged his sore.. _areas_ tears in the corners of his eyes.

This was when Tohru and Kisa came running up, trying to catch Momiji. Kisa, who had never seen such a sight before in her life, immediately misunderstood and burst into tears,

"Why Akitoooo... WHY??" She wailed, "Tohru-nee-san... What's he _doing?_"

Akito, who was beginning to feel tired of all his misfortunes, began to groan, but as the pain had not yet gone away, continued rubbing... As Kisa wailed even louder.

(Raindropz) Tohru's face was bright red, a colour that suited her so well, as a part of his brain noticed.

Akito suddenly understood that in just one day, he had probably changed her opinion of him forever. Maybe she used to love him, but he had now been so weird , that she didn't... Akito forgot the pain as he had another, in his heart. (For the purpose of this story.. If you hadn't noticed yet.. Akito has a heart! Shock, horror! Heck.. he loves Tohru.. -Ed) He had to make things up to her...

"So... you were getting ice-cream?" asked Akito nervously.

Tohru wasn't listening, but Kisa nodded.

"I'll get some for you Tohru! Kureno?" he snapped his fingers.

Silence...

Nobody came.

"Kureeenooooo??" Akito clapped his hands. Dammit, he was supposed to be showing his power and generosity in front of Tohru, but it wasn't working.

(kikijio) "KURENOOOOO!!" Akito closed his eyes and shouted, now impatient.

_Why wouldn't he come?! _Akito wondered, exasperated. He turned to apologise to his beloved Tohru, when he realised that she'd disappeared.

"FUCK!" Screamed Akito, and he was busy cursing the heavens, whilst- little did he know, Tohru and Kisa were promptly attempting to escape from him- whom they believed to be a masturbating madman.

As they ran desperately they were unaware that they had passed a tall blonde man, who had just been wandering aimlessly, wondering and marvelling at his own astounding beauty, yet at the same time "sadly" proclaiming his loneliness with a series of dramatic gestures and movements. _He_ was _also_ unaware that two girls had run past.

He continued to ramble until he also came to meet a certain Akito sitting on the floor. (This next bit was written on the bus... but it's rather good anyway... -Ed)

"OH MY GOD!" he cried. "MY DEAR POOR COMMONER, DO LET ME HELP YOU!!" he began to shower Akito with money.

(kikijio) "My name is Tamaki! But you_ may_ call me King! _Dearest_ commoner!"

Akito started with surprise, and pain... why was this oddball throwing coins at him? Did he look _that_ dejected? Akito, once again, broke into tears and began to roll around in the mud; beating his fists against the ground.

The blonde heart-throb thought to himself that this commoner could pass for a woman... especially with the fuss he was making; Tamaki _knew _how to deal with women, thus, producing a rose from non-existence, offered it to Akito who ceased his tears immediately. (Raindropz) He looked up at Tamaki with large dark eyes, and the blonde was nearly struck with surprise at his/her beauty.

"For you." he spoke to Akito with as much charm as he could. Akito blinked. He was beginning to fall for this guy. (YAY!- Ed) BUT NO! His heart was destined for Tohru! (Dammit.. -Ed)

"I can't!" he said, distraught. "I belong to another."

Tamaki breathed a huge sigh of distress.

"Oh." he said in a small voice. "I understand..."

(kikijio) "Although.. _maybe..._" Akito hesitated, once more staring into Tamaki's beautiful Aryan eyes...

"Yes my love??" Tamaki breathed, scooping Akito into his arms.

"NO!" Akito shouted, snapping back to his senses. As much as he appreciated the perfectly chiselled features of this wonderful specimen of man, he could not stand being held by him like a baby.. _Or_ a woman. Akito pushed himself out of Tamaki's arms (with great effort) (Yeah.. I bet.. -Ed) and ran away.

"Where are you going?! HONEY??" (Little bit of Gakuen Heaven in there for you! _Don't worry if you don't know what I'm talking about.._-Ed)

(Raindropz) Akito made a small shriek at the sound of the word "Honey" but continued to run away. He had to stay focused.

Meanwhile, Tamaki stood in the middle of the park, frozen.

He was unaware of the many stares around him, as the shock, the dent on his ego, was almost too much for him.

"I.." he murmured, "Got.. rejected.." Nothing had prepared him for this, and he was going to cry until he remembered that "REAL MEN" don't cry. He flicked his fabulous blonde hair behind him and proceeded to walk. He handed a rose to a nearby gawker, a woman- naturally. She swooned. _That's more like it. _Of course he hadn't lost his touch. As if. Whatever made him think that?


	4. Chapter 4: We're going where?

Chapter Four:

(Editor:_Almost_ the whole Juunishi is in this chapter.. but.. it was just TOO much.. And I have quite a long part at the end!)

(TheColourOfMagic) Akito trudged through his front door unhappily and muddily. Things had not gone like he had wanted them to. He just wanted to be left alone.

However, the entire Juunishi didn't seem to realise this, and they all jumped on him.

"AIEE!!!" Akito screamed, struggling as the pulled him into the main hall. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO!"

He fell in a heap on the floor, kicking and screaming. Then he realised that everyone, including Tohru, Hanajima and Arisa, was watching him.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Well, Tohru has this English pen pal,: Shigure said, "and she's supposed to go on an exchange with her, but we haven't got the money..."

"So we were wondering if you might be kind enough to fund it." Ayame added.

(kikijio) "England?.." Akito's heart stopped momentarily.

_Were they going to take Tohru away from him? _Akito's heart spluttered back into action as he saw Tohru gazing at him hopefully- here memories of the day currently erased as she sincerely wished to be able to go to England.

"No..." Akito mumbled. The entire Juunishi tilted their heads at him.

"At least.. not alone... I'll go _with _her."

Tohru's eyes widened, Akito glanced at her.

"I will only fund this trip if I can go with her."

(raindropz) "Oh ho ho!" said Shigure and Ayame together.

"It seems something lovely is coming along here!"

Akito gave them _evil _stares, and they shut up. Tohru gave Akito a surprised look, but Akito didn't realise. Tohru rarely looked at him, his heart fluttered.

"Shigure-san, please can I go?" she pleaded.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Akito, and he ran out of the room, clutching his mouth. _Tohru wanted to go to England with him!_

(kikijio) "_Well..._" Shigure wondered, amused, "perhaps if we could_all_ go... I'm not sure I _trust_ Akito with under-age girls.." he said, not even attempting to hide his hilarity, after all... Akito had already left the room.

"SHIGURE!!!" Akito screamed, running back through the door, "WHAT IS YOUR DEAL??" And he proceeded to tackle Shigure, throwing him to the ground.

"_I could get used to this..."_ Shigure mumbled to himself as Akito pinned him to the floor. "Everyone _knows _that _you're _the perv!!" (raindropz) Shigure laughed.

"Oho! I've heard _all_ about your _trips_ today, Akito."

Akito flushed red, and Ayame took this as a chance to pin Akito the the ground. He flashed a grin at Shigure.

"Don't mention it." Aaya winked playfully.

Suddenly, everyone had pinned everyone to the floor. Kyo was over Yuki, Haru over Ritsu, Momiji over Hiro.

(kikijio) Even the innocent Kisa had abruptly seized the chance to pin _Tohru,_who was blushing furiously at this turn of events- to the ground.

"Kisa?" Tohru mumbled, looking away. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen this coming... Kisa had been acting _far_ too attached lately.. but Tohru just didn't _roll_ that way; which was more than could be said for the rest of the Juunishi:

Yuki and Kyo were now locked in a passionate embrace; Haru was twirling his fingers around Ritsu's hair; _Momiji _and Hiro were proceeding to fourth base.

"Oh_ewww.._" Akito grimaced, pushing Ayame off him and glaring at Shigure. "OH COME ON.." Akito grumbled, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. "Will you guys get a GRIP?!" he suddenly shouted: Yuki and Kyo disentangled themselves- looking dazed; Hatsuharu- who had begun _smelling_ Ritsu, (who was now looking quite uncomfortable with Haru touching him- _despite _his effeminate appearance.. _and_ the fact that he was a cross-dresser, Ritsu didn't _actually _dig men.) raised his eyes and reluctantly removed his hands from Ritsu's waist; Momiji swiftly took _his _hands _out_ of Hiro's pants and averted his eyes, shame-faced; Hiro blushing- zipped his pants.

"What is _with _ you guys? _SERIOUSLY?_ Can you not go a few hours without sexually assaulting each other? I mean, it's not nice to see! You're damaging Kisa!!" At this point Kisa glanced at Akito confused. _Wasn't pinning people to the ground what you did, if you loved them? _The little girl thought to herself, slowly climbing off the relieved Tohru.

"Do you people _honestly _believe _I'm _the perverted one, when- given the chance, you would have yourselves climbing all over each other?!!" Akito continued to scream. "SHEESH," he breathed, "If it weren't for me this place would be an orgy by now. At least _I'm _tasteful..." At this point Akito briefly recalled the delicious face of the blond he had met in the park. Then, recalling Tohru (his one _true _love) Akito turned to face her once more. Excitement filled Akito and he pulled out a rose, one that Tamaki had given to him, out of his pocket.

Walking gracefully to Tohru, Akito cupped her chin in his hand and presented the rose before her eyes, in the style of the blond.

"I will take you to England..." Akito whispered, followed by, "KYAAAAAH!!" Akito was screaming shamelessly. He had been flying kicked in the face by Arisa Uotani. A second later he felt like his head was about to explode- the power of Hanajima.

"WHAT??" Akito demanded, his eyes bulging.

"We're coming too." The friends stated in deadly tones.

They had stood quietly through Akito's outburst, they had looked the other way while Momiji violated Hiro.. But if Akito thought that they weren't going to England with Tohru- that they would leave _him_alone with _her? _Well. He had another thing coming.

"And _you're_ paying." Hana added viciously.

"Well! That's settled then!" Ayame and Shigure sang in unison, delighted at the progress made. "Let's all pack!!"

Thus, the two hurried off hand in hand, leaving Akito feeling more than disgruntled... The entire Juunishi, Uotani _and_Hanajima, were tagging along on his only chance to make Tohru love him...

Just then he thought how little it meant to be the god of the Juunishi...

He had no power over anyone else.. and barely even them.


End file.
